she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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