just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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