Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
