just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
