I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
