East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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