ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Randomize
