Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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