I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
