Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
