I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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