True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
