The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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