Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Damn victory sex feels great
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
