I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
