One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
