So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
