Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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