Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
