Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
