I am in a vortex of obligation.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
