Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
