Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
