Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
