i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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