I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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