paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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