Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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