She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
