god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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