How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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