So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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