i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
