I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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