her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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