I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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