i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
