So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
