"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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