at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
