what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
