Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
