There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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