3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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