How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
