wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
