around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize