saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
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I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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