Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
