Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
