I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
