so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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