Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
