I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
