But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
