New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
