i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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