I have demons in me.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
