She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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