White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
try to milk me bitch
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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