I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize