I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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