You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize