Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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