When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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