I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
