I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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