I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
