So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
