During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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