i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
