you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
