sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
